


thought i had you in the palm of my hand that night

by hippopotamus



Category: SKAM (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Roommates/Housemates, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-08
Updated: 2017-07-08
Packaged: 2018-11-29 15:34:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,647
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11443842
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hippopotamus/pseuds/hippopotamus
Summary: They're roommates, and they don't get on at all.Until they do, at which point Even decides to develop a useless crush.





	thought i had you in the palm of my hand that night

**Author's Note:**

> what do u mean i need to stop using 5sos lyrics as fic titles.
> 
> also this is the most ridiculous unrealistic 6.5k words i have ever written (and thats saying something bc one time i wrote 6.5k words about Even being a witch.)
> 
> but enjoy anyway!! pls suspend ur disbelief and pretend that uni roommates is a thing in norway, bc im p sure it isnt. (it's not even a thing in the uk i only know about it bc of fics but its a useful trope so)
> 
> ANYWAY

Roommates. That's what they are. That's _all_ they are.

They're not friends. Barely acquaintances, really, considering the amount of civil words they’ve actually said to each other.

It started on their first day living in such close quarters. Even, unbeknownst to his new roommate Isak, was just getting out of the worst timed depressive episode he’d ever had, and depressive episodes at the best of times made him irritable enough that any tiny inconvenience felt like a personal attack. So, when he had one just as he was moving into a new place, with new people, and one person in particular that he’d have to live with all year, who, it turned out, was a messy slob - he may have been a little snappish towards Isak.

Snappish, as in, the first thing out of his mouth to the guy sticking his hand out for him to shake was a sneered “are you gonna be this fucking messy all year?”

Isak had apologised, explained that he was just trying to sort it out, spoke in a hurried voice, eager to make amends for his mistake, but Even had just shrugged a “whatever” and sunk onto his own bed, put on his headphones, and pointedly ignored Isak for the rest of the day.

Which turned into the rest of the week.

Which turned into the rest of the month.

Which leads them to where they are now. Two months into living together, and giving each other the permanent cold shoulder while simultaneously managing to piss each other off to no end.

Even’s aware that neither of them do themselves any favours in this regard. After Isak’s initial attempts to establish a friendship between the two of them, usually with offers of badly made coffee and unhealthy snacks that Even always rejected out of a weird sense of pride, the two of them had just settled into an unhappy coexistence.

And then Isak started getting petty, so Even started getting petty back, and now they’re in this weird competition of who can be a bigger asshole.

Even’s probably winning, and he’s not sure he’s really pleased about that, to be honest. He feels sort of guilty that he started all this because of a bad mood and couldn’t let it go because of his pride.

Because, really, Isak’s not a bad guy. Sure, he’s petty - he plays music too loud, and brings guys back to their room with little notice and just texts Even that he should stay somewhere else that night, and he lets his friends smoke in their room, and he was definitely lying on the first day when he said he was “not usually this messy” - but he’s not awful, not really.

Even’s seen him around his friends, and he’s actually pretty decent - kind of hilarious, to be honest. He’s always coming up with a quick witted response to his friend Magnus’ dumb remarks, and then a minute later he’ll spew some intelligent comment about scientific methods or something (Even doesn’t listen to the specifics, but he knows it sounds smart) and he gives great advice to his friends, too. So he’s not a bad guy, although he does all that petty shit to Even.

Then again, Even does everything that Isak does - with the music, and the bringing strangers home, and the smoking - and more. He sets his morning alarms too loud when he knows Isak has had a late night and doesn’t have a morning class, he arrives back to the room late at night when Isak’s already fast asleep, then makes no effort to keep quiet so as not to wake him up. When he thinks about it rationally, he hates that he's so petty, but he can’t seem to stop.

By far the thing Even hates most about his attitude towards Isak, though, is that he finds the guy attractive. Like, stunningly fucking beautiful, with his angelic curls, and his adorably squishy nose (Even’s seen it smushed against his pillow in sleep, more than once, and it’s unfairly cute) and his bright green eyes, and Even’s going to stop now before he embarrasses himself.

If they weren’t roommates that kind of hated each other’s guts, he’d have asked him on a date by now. Or at least taken him home one night.

Missed opportunities. Even can live with it, especially when he knows how much of a dick Isak can be when he wants to be. It makes the fact that he’s cute a lot more inconsequential, and a lot easier to bear. It’s not something he thinks about a lot, anyway. He just notices it in passing, from time to time.

And then, two months in, Isak goes and gets himself a boyfriend. Even isn't sure why exactly that shifts the dynamic between them so much, but whatever the reason, it does. Isak starts getting snarkier whenever Julian or whatever his name is is there, and whenever Even ends up being once again the butt of a stupid joke, Julian just laughs and laughs and Isak grins as if he's won. Which he hasn’t, by the way.

Even gives as good as he gets (better than, if you ask him) - in fact it _may_ have been him that started the whole thing with a rude comment about Isak’s ability to actually get a boyfriend when he is the way that he is. It just sort of… slipped out, after the first time Isak brought Julian over. And now, their shared room, which used to be pretty silent, is an active battle zone in World War Snark.

It lasts nearly a month. A moment can’t go by while they’re in the room together that one of them doesn’t come out with some disparaging comment about the other’s lifestyle choices. And if they liked each other more, the comments are the sort of thing they’d tease each other with - they could be seen as banter, if it weren’t for the voices that drip with contempt as they speak.

So Even will say something about how messy Isak is, and Isak will mention something about Even’s sleeping habits, or lack thereof, and then Even will counter it with something about how Isak studies far too much for it to be normal, and Isak will reply with something about how Even probably doesn’t have any friends because he never brings any back to the room.

(Even has a good reason for that. He tends to go to his friends’ places instead, because the fact is, when Even found out the name of his new roommate before term started, he borrowed Mikael’s facebook account to do some stalking, and may have mentioned something to Mikael about how attractive Isak was. Mikael, in turn, told all of their friends that Even found Isak attractive, and so if they ever meet him, it isn’t likely to end without embarrassing at least one person - probably two.)

The night that finally ends their feud starts out with their typical sarcasm.

“I’m going to Julian’s,” Isak announces, standing up off his bed and slamming his laptop shut.

Even shrugs without looking up at Isak. “Why would I care?”

Isak huffs. “I don’t fucking know. Thought you might have some ounce of decency in you somewhere.”

“I have plenty of decency,” replies Even. “I just choose carefully who to direct it towards, and you’re generally not one of those people, Valtersen.”

“Whatever, Næsheim,” Isak replies, walking towards the door and pulling it open. Even definitely has the upper hand in who is better at comebacks right now.

“Well, don’t stay out too late,” he smirks. “God knows you need your beauty sleep.”

The door slams shut, and although Even can’t see Isak’s face, he knows that he’s rolling his eyes right now.

*

Isak doesn’t stay out late. He returns less than an hour later, and slams the door even louder on the way back in, with eyes rimmed red and knuckles grazed as if he’s punched a wall or something.

“You alright?”  comes out of Even’s mouth on instinct, because Isak looks pretty rough right now, and yeah, they aren’t each other’s biggest fans but Even doesn’t want to see Isak _hurt_.

“Why the fuck do you care?” is Isak’s response, and immediately throws himself down onto his bed, facing the wall away from Even, completely silent and still except for the fact that Even can see his shoulders shaking occasionally.

He comes to the conclusion that it’s probably over with Julian, and he’s not really sure what to do about this. Poor Isak. Breakups suck.

Although, it turns out he hates Isak more than he thought he did. For some reason, his brain is absolutely rejoicing at this new development.

But he forces the rational part of himself to take over, and wonders if he can do anything to make Isak feel better. Because he’s _not_ happy about this, okay? He’s not a terrible person. Petty? Yes. Rude? Definitely. Sarcastic? Absolutely. But he’s not cruel.

To quote Peter Quill - he’s “an a-hole, but not 100% a dick.”

He’s also not an expert in cheering people up, unfortunately.

Watching Isak cry, though, or Even assumes he’s crying, from the way he’s trembling and taking ragged breaths every few seconds, is impossible to do without wanting to help.

All he can think of is the chocolate he bought earlier, that’s currently sitting on his desk, waiting for him to get desperate enough to eat it. Isak needs it more than he does, though, so he stands slowly, picks it up off his desk, and pads across the room to Isak’s bed.

“Here,” he says in what he hopes is a gentle voice, dropping the chocolate onto Isak’s bed. “To cheer you up.”

“Why would you care about cheering me up?” Isak sounds so defeated, and it kind of makes Even’s heart break a little.

“I mean, I know I’m a bit of an asshole,” says Even, in attempt to give an awkward explanation. “But I don’t actually want you to be sad.”

“Great,” comes Isak’s flat response. “Do you want a fucking medal?”

For the first time in his life, Even bites back a sarcastic comment.

“I - uh - hope you feel better soon,” he says instead, and walks back to his own bed.

It takes a few minutes, during which time Even has settled down onto his bed and has focussed back on his laptop again, before Isak is sitting up slowly, pulling his hood over his head and begrudgingly accepting the chocolate that Even gave him.

It’s not ineffective in cheering him up, to be honest. Even sees, out of the corner of his eye (because he's not stupid enough to look straight at Isak) that his grumpy expression softens slightly as he eats, although he still rubs the occasional hand over his eye and sniffles quietly.

Even racks his brain for something else to do to further cheer Isak up, because after a month, he’s not used to Isak being this silent around him, and he really doesn’t like it. He’d rather Isak was roasting the shit out of him then sitting there looking miserable.

There’s two things that Isak and Even have common ground in - 1 - sarcasm, and 2 - weed.

Isak doesn’t really look like he has the strength for sarcastic comments right now, though. So, weed it is.

It turns out to be pretty nerve wracking to ask Isak if he wants to share a joint. This will, after all, be the first nice thing Even’s done for Isak all year, except for the chocolate, and Even might be realising now that he’s not very _good_ at being nice to Isak. Which isn’t a great realisation, to be honest. He doesn’t want to be a mean person, it just sort of turned out that way.

In the end, he takes one look at Isak wiping his eyes on his sleeve for the millionth time, and he swallows his pride, and speaks up.

“Do you wanna-” he pauses, clears his throat, then tries again. “Do you wanna share?” he holds the joint up so Isak can see it as he looks over to Even, and isn’t surprised when the response he gets is a confused look.

“Why?”

Even shrugs. “You don’t have to.” He wants Isak to say yes, though.It takes a minute of thinking how to persuade Isak before he comes up with something. “I mean, I’m not making you pay. What better way to get at the guy you hate by stealing his weed, right?”

That gets a little smile out of Isak, and Even stands and moves to the window, opening it and waiting for Isak to walk over to join him before he lights up.

They pass the joint between them three times in silence before Isak speaks up, in a whisper so quiet Even might have missed it were it not for the way he could see Isak’s lips move.

“I don’t hate you,” he says, “I just - you just - I don’t know.”

Even can only give him a small guilty smile as he hands the joint back over to Isak, then he searches for something simpler to change the conversation to, something mindless, easy, to distract Isak from his heartbreak and to stop the guilt growing in Even’s stomach about the fact that he kind of started all this.

Weed for Isak and Even turns out to be the equivalent of Harry, Ron, and Hermione fighting a troll together. By the end of the night, they’re laughing softly together, talking easily, and Even doesn’t really remember why he ever tried to dislike Isak. Or, he does, but he doesn’t remember why he kept it going, and he regrets that he did.

But then, there are some things you can't share without ending up liking each other, and smoking weed by the window after a heartbreak is one of them (although apparently a room is not.)

*

Even gets back to the room the next day to find Isak sitting cross-legged on his bed, in sweatpants and that one grey hoodie he has that always makes him look soft and snug and warm. From the sound coming from the laptop in front of him, he’s watching some shitty action movie, and he’s scowling slightly at the screen, eyebrows knitted together in concentration and lips pushed out slightly in a pout. Actually, he looks ador- never mind.

“Still moping?” asks Even, but there’s none of his usual malice behind it. It’s a gentle question, and Isak’s expression actually turns into a half-smile in response.

“I’m allowed to mope,” he defends himself, crossing his arms. “I caught my ex in bed with another guy yesterday.”

Even pulls a sympathetic face, but then shows isak what he has in his hands. “Good thing I bought ice cream, then.”

Isak’s face lights up. “You did?” he sounds so hopeful, and at the same time, slightly suspicious, as if he’s waiting for Even to laugh at him and tell him he can’t have any. The suspicion is understandable, but Even’s not planning on doing that. Instead he nods and grins.

“Yup. Move over,” he instructs, moving to sit beside Isak on the bed, and passing him a spoon and putting the ice cream tub between them. “What are you watching?”

“Nothing you’d like,” comes Isak’s quick reply. When Even looks at him questioning, he raises an eyebrow. “What? You think I don’t know you’re a film snob? We live together, Even.”

That’s actually the first time Isak’s said his first name since the first week of term, and something flickers inside Even. He pushes it down, and just laughs instead, though.

“Didn’t know you paid that much attention to me. I’m honoured, Isak. Really.”

Isak gives his signature eyeroll, then smiles. “We should go back to Næsheim and Valtersen. This first name thing is weirding me out.”

“Agreed.” (He doesn’t agree, really, but that’s not important.)

They both turn their attention back to the film, and eat ice cream, in silence for a while until Even speaks up.

“This movie really is shit, you know.”

“I couldn’t care less. I’m heartbroken. I need distraction. I need to watch people get blown up and pretend they’re all my ex.”

“Fair enough.”

It turns out the movie that they’re watching has a couple of jump scares near the end.

“Jesus fucking Christ!” Even exclaims after one particularly startling one, and drops his spoon which still has ice cream on it onto Isak’s bed. “Ah shit, sorry.”

Isak seems too busy laughing at him to be upset, at first, until he looks down at the new stain on his sheets, and rolls his eyes, then looks back at Even with a glare. Even gives a cheeky smile in response.

“I’ve changed my mind about not hating you,” Isak says.

Even turns his cheeky smile into an exaggerated pout, casting his eyes downwards and trying his best to look upset (which he would be, if he thought Isak was being serious. It turns out he quite likes being friends with Isak)

“I’ll wash your sheets for you,” he tells Isak. “Please don’t hate me.”

It gets a little awkward after that. Even imagines that Isak is thinking of the same thing that he is, about the last three months. They’d become friends last night, but they hadn’t really discussed anything. Even thinks he should say something, apologise for starting this whole mess.

“Fresh start?” he decides to ask, tilting his head. When Isak nods, he sticks his hand out for Isak. “Hi, I'm Even. Nice to meet you.”

Isak takes it with an amused smile that he tries to hide. “Isak.”

They look at each other solemnly, pretending they’ve never met before for a moment, then burst out laughing together.

“Why didn't we do this earlier?” Even grins, shaking his head.

Isak raises an eyebrow. “Why didn't _you_ do this earlier, you mean. I was so nice to you in the first week! I didn't understand what I'd done to you.”

Even gives an embarrassed cough. _Oh, yeah._

“I‘m sorry,” he says, and he means it. “I was, uh, going through some stuff.”

Isak is quiet, thinking for a moment, before he speaks up. “That’s ironic.”

“What is?”

“That you were going through some stuff and that made us not friends, and now I’m going through some stuff that makes us become friends.”

Even laughs quietly. “Yeah, I guess that’s pretty funny. I guess you’re nicer to be around when you’re going through stuff.”

“Or you’re better at cheering people up.”

“Well, I wasn’t exactly - you couldn’t really have cheered me up.”

“Oh,” Isak says quietly. When Even glances over at him, he’s biting his lip, and looks as though he’s trying to think of what to say. “Uh,” he starts. “Listen, you don’t have to answer this if you don’t want to,” he pauses, and Even’s brain uses the time wisely, ie, to panic, because that’s never a good sentence to hear. “But, uh, Magnus saw your meds one time, and he - uh, his mum takes the same ones.”

Even stays silent, waiting for Isak to continue.

“Is it - uh - bipolar? Were you depressed at the beginning of term?” Isak says it all so quickly that Even almost misses half the words.

He keeps his voice controlled as he answers. “Does it bother you?”

“No!” Isak replies quickly. “No of course not, I was just wondering. I shouldn’t have said anything, I’m sorry.”

“No, it’s - yeah. You’re right.” Even thinks for a moment, then continues. “I get really irritable when I’m… yeah. I shouldn’t have taken it out on you. Sorry.” _God, this is uncomfortable_.

Isak shakes his head. “It probably fucking sucks, so I don’t blame you.” Even huffs a laugh and nods. “But,” Isak continues,” If I ever say something stupid - like, Magnus tells me I’m pretty fucking insensitive about this shit sometimes - then tell me, okay?

“I thought Magnus was the insensitive one?” Even asks, thinking back to all the time where he’s heard Magnus ask ignorant questions about how gays have sex.

“He’s insensitive about being gay, I’m insensitive about his mum. We have a great friendship.”

Even lets out a confused laugh but doesn’t say anything more. It’s silent again for a moment until Isak speaks.

“But seriously, tell me if I say something dumb. I don’t wanna be a dick.”

“You don’t wanna be a dick?” Even raises an eyebrow, finally seeing a way to lighten the atmosphere. “Wow.”

“Shut the fuck up, Næsheim,” Isak says, grinning.

Even raises his hands as if surrendering, and is about to say something back when Isak’s phone buzzes from next to them.

“If that’s him again, I swear to God…” Isak mumbles as he picks his phone up. His jaw tenses as he reads the screen, and Even can pretty easily work out what’s going on.

“Julian?” he asks, and Isak lets out a huge sigh.

“I’m just gonna stay in here forever,” he tells Even. “Watching shitty films and eating ice cream.”

Even smiles. “Not a bad idea, to be honest.”

Isak’s phone goes off again, but he doesn’t even look at it this time, just closes his eyes and seems to be focussing on keeping his breathing steady.

Even thinks for a moment. “Do you want me to talk shit about him? I can talk shit about him.” Even can talk _a lot_ of shit about him. He hates that guy. No apparent reason, he just does.

“You barely even know him,” Isak points out.

Even acknowledges this with a nod of his head, but continues anyway. “His laugh is annoying.”

Isak lets out a snort. “Yeah.”

“And he talks too loud.”

Isak is full on grinning by now. “You should have heard him in bed.”

Even pulls a face. “I'm fucking glad I didn't. I bet he's shit in bed too.”

“You know what? He kind of is.”

“You deserve better.”

“Better sex or a better boyfriend?”

“Both.”

“Thanks.”

“Anytime.”

*

After that day, they become great friends. They spend time in the room together by choice, now, and watch films together and while they still make the occasional dig at each other, they smile while they do so. All in all, it’s pretty great.

Except for one tiny problem. And by tiny, Even means, well -

He may have accidentally allowed himself to find Isak attractive after he decided not to dislike him anymore. And that may or may not have escalated into a full-blown crush, and now he can’t really stop thinking about his roommate.

His _roommate_ , for fuck’s sake.

This is all going to go wrong.

Thank god for all the practice he’s had at hiding his feelings, right?

He doesn’t feel like he’s had any practice at all, though. Every time Isak’s around - which by the way, is literally all the time, because did he mention it’s his fucking roommate - he can’t think straight. Ha, straight.

It’s fine, though. Even will make sure it’s fine, because it’s just a passing crush on a friend and it’ll go away soon enough, and everything will go back to normal - or just… to normal, because it wasn’t normal in the first place. Even just needs to get his brain in gear and recognise all of the disgusting habits Isak has that annoy Even to no end, and the crush will rapidly disappear.

Only it’s really fucking difficult to get his brain in gear, apparently. And all of Isak’s annoying habits now just seem endearing.

A week of friendship turns into two, and then into a month, and then they get to the christmas holidays and Even is overjoyed, because thank god, two weeks away from Isak, he can finally get over this fucking shit.

Only, Isak sends him stupid memes over text during the holidays, ones that are so bad they have Even grinning down at his phone like a complete fool, and the holiday is wasted on thinking about Isak. And when he gets back after the holidays, Isak pulls him into a hug in greeting, and Even isn’t sure he can actually breathe.

He doesn’t mean to be this much of a cliche, okay? It just turned out this way. He watches too many films.

With Isak.

They have one of their movie nights in january, and Isak invites a couple of friends over too, who he’s somehow managed to convince into liking Even, despite the three month period in which Even is fairly sure the only thing Isak referred to him as was probably “ _my asshole roommate”_ or something similar.

The first time they’d watched a film together, back when Isak was heartbroken (which thankfully, he seems over now), there’d been a foot of space and a tub of ice cream between them. This time, with four people squashed onto Isak’s bed and the laptop on a chair in front, Isak is pressed right into Even.

It’s a lot to deal with.

Somehow, Even gets through the night - Isak doesn’t help by fucking falling asleep on him during the movie - and finally, when Isak’s friends are gone he can escape to his own bed, and try and stop his brain from replying Isak drooping onto his shoulder over and over again.

Only then, just as Isak is drifting off to sleep over the other side of the room, he mumbles something in an adorably sleepy voice that flicks all the switches in Even’s brain to “ _OVERREACT_ ”.

“You were really comfy. I should fall asleep on you more often.”

Two sides of Even are at war now. One side saying “ _yes please do oh god please_ ” and one saying “ _that is the worst idea ever oh god please no._ ”

Even decides to sleep instead of listening to them. Or, he tries to.

*

The night that it all goes wrong involves a lot of alcohol.

Unfortunately not too much that Even can’t remember anything, because he’s really trying to cut down his alcohol intake - he refuses to budge on the weed, but if he has to cut down on something, he might as well try alcohol. (He’s aware that’s not really how it works, but listen, they can pry the weed from his cold, dead, bipolar hands.)

So the alcohol involved isn’t so much alcohol that he drinks, but it’s a general drunken atmosphere in the house where the party is being held, which somehow manages to affect his judgement too, despite the fact that he’s actually not that far from sober right now. Not _that_ far.

The bad judgement leads him to the middle of the dance floor, and it’s all going fine until he sees Isak across the room, dancing with some girl.

Isak’s not even into girls. And by the way, Even doesn’t care who Isak dances with. He’s not _that_ person. He’s not jealous.

Okay, he’s a little jealous.

But it’s nothing important. He’s just being irrational, and anyway, he’s getting too warm in the crowded party, and he needs some air. It takes him a while to wriggle his way through the crowds of people to get to the door, and just as he’s about to walk through it, he makes the mistake of turning around.

Isak is bending down to whisper into the girl’s ear, and the irrational part of Even’s brain gets jealous, again, only the next thing that happens is that Isak is straightening back up and moving towards the door where Even is, while looking straight at him.

Even is frozen in place for a few seconds, because Isak’s eyes are locked onto his, unblinking and undistracted, and Even’s thoughts are, as usual, going a mile a minute.

Understandably, it takes him a while to remember he was meant to be going out to get air. Isak has nearly reached him when he manages to tear his eyes away and turn around, escaping out into the garden, leaning against the wall, and inhaling air as if he’s never breathed before.

This is really, really bad.

“Hi,” Isak appears next to him, and things get even worse.

Even somehow manages to give a quiet “hey” in response.

“I just wanted to make sure you’re okay,” Isak says. “You were acting a little weird back there.”

Even laughs weakly. “Oh, was I? I probably, uh, drank too much.”

It’s after he said this that he remembers he told Isak that he wasn’t going to drink much tonight. Well. Isak doesn’t know that he didn’t change his mind, and to be honest, the beers have made his brain a little fuzzy. He’s turning into a lightweight since it’s been so long since he had any.

Isak just laughs. “Same, dude. Good night, though, right?”

“Yeah, pretty great,” Even manages to smile. “Pretty great,” he repeats, although for the life of him he doesn’t know why he does that.

It occurs to him that now they’ve exhausted that topic of conversation, there isn’t another thing he can think of to say, and Isak isn’t saying anything either. They just stand, side by side, in silence. Even hates it but all he can think of is _Isak Isak Isak_ and that’s not really something he can start a conversation with Isak about.

“Um,” Even tries. “You can go back inside if you want. I don’t want you to feel like you have to take care of me or something.”

Isak looks at him and grins, and his heart melts a little. “I don’t feel like i’m doing that. It’s just nice to be with you,” he coughs, “I mean, out here. It’s nice to be out here.”

Okay, Even misheard that one. Or misunderstood. Right? Isak didn’t say that. Or didn’t mean to say it. Whatever it was, it wasn’t meant to happen. Even’s drunk. Yup. Really fucking drunk.

And now Isak’s clearing his throat again.”I never asked you before we left earlier, did you want me out of the room tonight? I can stay somewhere else if you were gonna…. yeah,” he lets Even fill in the blanks for himself, but Even, slightly ridiculously, is already shaking his head before Isak finishes talking.

The truth is, he hasn’t hooked up with anyone since he and Isak became friends. And that’s not just because he doesn’t feel the need to annoy Isak by bringing people back to the room at short notice and kicking him out.

Now that he thinks about it, Isak hasn’t kicked him out since then either. Although, that’s probably because he was heartbroken. Or something. Yeah.

“Do you want me out?” Even asks, returning the question to Isak, looking at him for the first time this evening.

Isak just shakes his head, looking Even straight in the eye with some sort of expression on his face that Even can’t really work out, because he won’t let himself think about it.

He _won’t_.

Isak breaks into a smile then, although it seems slightly off, somehow. “We’re both boring, huh?”

Even smiles in response, but then - wait. Wait. Hold up. Okay. So maybe Even’s a little drunk. A little bit hazy. But he’s not hallucinating. He can see perfectly clearly.

_And Isak just looked down at Even’s lips._

So he does the one thing he can think to do in response - look down at Isak’s lips. And he’s pretty certain he’s been doing that all night, all month, ever since he met Isak, if he’s really being honest with himself. But this time it’s deliberate, lingering, he’s making sure Isak sees him do it.

And then he catches Isak’s eye again, and he just knows. He knows he’s not imagining this.

So he leans forward, and kisses him.

And Isak kisses back.

_Isak kisses back._

This is real. This is happening. Isak is kissing him and he’s kissing Isak and it’s like nothing he’s ever felt before because he’s wanted this for so long and he’s so exhilarated and he can feel his heart beating, trying it’s hardest to get out of his own chest and into Isak’s where it feels like it belongs.

And when they finally pull apart, so slowly, Even’s never smiled this much before - maybe he could say that's a little because of the alcohol he’s had, but mostly it's just because of Isak.

And Isak has this dopey smile on his face, as if this is everything he’s ever wanted, except -

It crashes down around them pretty quickly.

“Wait,” Isak says, as if he's coming to his senses. “Fuck, I'm sorry. Why did I - fuck. Shit. Fuck. Fuck!”

He's getting more and more frantic with every curse that comes out of his mouth, eyes darting around, searching Even, who is pretty sure he couldn't move if he tried right now, all he can do is stand here and watch everything happen as if he's frozen.

When Isak practically sprints away, Even just stares after him.

He realises it was just a drunken mistake for Isak.

***

He hides out at Mikael’s place for two full days. How could he have been this stupid to ruin the friendship that he’d wanted for so long? Fuck his goddamn feelings for messing everything up.

All his stuff is back in his room, though. Mikael may be his best friend but he's not willing to donate all his clothes to Even, or let him stay there indefinitely. The only option is for Even to sneak back into the room late at night when he hopes Isak will be asleep, keeping quiet for the first time ever so as not to wake him, and hope that he isn't too uncomfortable when he's around.

Isak isn't asleep when he gets back. He's not sure why he's so aware of this, since the light is off and Isak is lying facing the wall. Even shouldn't actually be able to tell that he's awake, but he can. He's hyper aware of the way his breathing is uneven, and his fingers are tapping lightly against the pillow.

He ignores it, though, and just climbs into bed and shuts his eyes tight, willing himself to sleep.

When he wakes in the morning Isak’s already left for class. And when Isak arrives back from class Even will be hanging out with his friends, and won't come back until Isak’s long gone to bed.

It goes like this for two weeks before they can’t avoid each other anymore. It happens one evening when Even thinks that Isak will be out all night, so he’s in the room, sitting on his bed, watching something on his laptop and rolling a joint.

And that’s when Isak comes back. Without a word he mirrors Even’s position - but on his own bed, on his own laptop, rolling his own joint. Even’s not really sure what he’s trying to do, but he tries to ignore it, in favour of focussing on his own thing.

When he moves to the window, Isak follows, and they both smoke in silence, Even deliberately looking out of the window to avoid Isak’s gaze, but he’d have to be an idiot not to feel Isak’s stare burning into him.

And then, finally, Isak speaks.

“We have to talk at some point.”

Even doesn’t reply at first, instead takes another drag breathing it out through the window slowly and watching it swirl against the dark sky. Out of the corner of his eye he can see isak staring at him, waiting for him to talk. He loses patience pretty quickly.

“We could at least try being friends again?” Isak says, and Even can tell he’s trying to stay calm but he’s not doing a great job.

Even gets it. He does. Isak thinks it was a stupid, alcohol-fuelled mistake for both of them, and wants them to go back to the way it was when they got along fine, and Even could pretend to just be friends with Isak, because he didn’t know how it felt to kiss him. Only he can’t do that now. Even after two weeks of ignoring Isak, he still likes him, and after kissing him, he’s not sure he can go back to just friends.

“For fuck’s sake, we live together, Even. We have to live together for the rest of the year. You can’t do this.”

“We managed it at the beginning of the year,” Even shrugs, using all of the strength he has to keep his voice level, to not shake, and give away how much anxiety he’s feeling right now, facing Isak like this.

His response seems to only serve to make Isak angry, to burst out into a raised voice that goes right through Even.

“Grow up, Næsheim! Just because you can’t handle the fact that a _guy_ has a fucking crush on you, doesn’t mean you have to act like this!”

It’s as if everything around Even screeches to a halt.

“What?”

“You heard me,” Isak’s voice is cold, and back to his normal volume now, but it’s as if the bravery was wasted on the first outburst because he can’t look Even in the eyes as he says his next sentence. “You’re acting like a child just because I kissed you. Grow up.”

There’s silence. Complete silence. And Even has to put this right, or he’ll never forgive himself.

“Isak, _I_ kissed _you._ ”

Isak’s head snaps up.

“Don’t fucking make fun of me,” he says, but his voice is shaking now, his hands are shaking, and he’s looking at Even as if he’s never seen him before.

“Isak,” Even puts out the joint in the cup next to him and takes a deep breath. “I kissed you. I liked you - I _like_ you. We may have been drunk but I remember what happened.”

Isak’s mouth is dropped open in surprise, as if he doesn’t know what to make of this, but it’s all getting pretty clear to Even now, at least.

“So you were avoiding me because…” Isak trails off, looking at Even for answers.

“Because I thought I fucked up. What was I supposed to think when you ran off like that?”

“I only ran off because I thought - I thought...” Isak doesn’t seem able to finish his sentence again, especially not when Even stands up off the windowsill, and moves so he’s in front of him, before gently placing his hands on Isak’s wrists and pulling him to his feet.

There’s a hopeful, excited sort of half-smile on Isak’s face, and Even lets their eyes meet for a few seconds before he’s fairly certain Isak wants this too, and then he leans in, slowly, slow enough that Isak could stop Even if he wants to, only he doesn’t. He breathes shakily and his eyes flutter shut, and then Even presses the gentlest of kisses against his lips.

He leans back almost straightaway to check the effect it’s had, because this whole thing is still so nerve-wracking, but he doesn’t get far back before Isak is chasing after him, pulling him back in, stronger this time, more certain. Isak’s hands pull out of his grip and find their way up to the back of Even’s neck, pulling him in closer and Even is completely gone, now.

Yeah, completely gone. The kiss they shared at the party paled in comparison. Even could live inside this moment forever, with Isak, kissing him, he wants to stay here forever. He wants to forget every stupid decision he’s made before this moment, and just remember now.

They finally separate, and this time the dopey smiles that Even knows are on both their faces don’t fade, and neither of them run.

“Fuck,” Isak says, almost as if he’s in awe. “We’re idiots, aren’t we?”

All Even can do is laugh lightly, and nod, before he speaks.

“We got here in the end, though.”

**Author's Note:**

> hope you enjoyed!!! pls leave comments and kudos they encourage me to write even more ridiculous fics and i'm sure u all want that very much
> 
> ALSO camping au ch5 is on its way i promise! i will go back to writing that right now! i just needed a break for some ridiculousness
> 
> find me on [tumblr](http://evenshands.tumblr.com) talking about even's hands bc that's my url for a reason
> 
> love always xxx


End file.
